**Hi there, my name is Mairo [May-row], and I use she/her pronouns.**

I’m a therapist passionate about creating spaces where your unique experiences are centred and celebrated. I believe our intersecting identities — race, culture, gender, and sexuality — profoundly shape how we navigate the world, our relationships, and, most importantly, our relationship with ourselves.

Do you find convos about boundary setting feel confusing, alienating and incomplete? If so, Let’s gently unpack this together.

As a mental health therapist, I have closely observed and been privy to conversations on how much mainstream conversation about boundaries is shaped by individualism, a characteristic of North American society. We are told to “protect our peace,” to say no without explanation, to walk away quickly and decisively. For those raised in collectivistic cultures or who understand themselves as deeply shaped by community, kinship, and shared responsibility, this framing can feel incomplete, even alienating. It can sound like boundaries require distance, disconnection, or a quiet withdrawal from one another, but boundaries do not have to mean abandonment. They can, instead, be an invitation to relate more honestly, more sustainably, and with greater care.

As someone who grew up in a collectivist culture, I view boundaries as agreements that clarify how we remain in a relationship without resentment, burnout, or harm. In communities where interdependence is central, boundaries ensure care flows in both directions, protecting individuals and the collective.
**At their best, boundaries are acts of responsibility.** They say: "I want to stay connected, and this is what I need to do that well." Without them, care becomes an obligation, support becomes an expectation, and love becomes something we do at the expense of ourselves. Over time, this erodes trust. The community feels the strain, even if unspoken. This is where communication becomes essential.
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n collectivistic contexts, unspoken boundaries are often misinterpreted as rejection, disrespect, or selfishness. **Silence leaves room for assumptions to grow. Clear communication, on the other hand, anchors boundaries in a relationship.** It allows us to explain our intentions, set boundaries, and affirm our care simultaneously.

Communicating boundaries does not require harshness, cutting people off, or giving ultimatums. It can sound like, “I can help, but not in the way I used to,” or “I need more notice before committing,” or “I’m stretched thin right now and don’t want to promise what I can’t sustain.” These statements honour both truth and connection. They acknowledge context while centering honesty. Most importantly, communication is not just about speaking. It is also about listening. In a community, boundaries are negotiated, not dictated. When someone shares a limit, the response matters. Do we make space for their reality, or pressure them to override it? Do we treat boundaries as failures or as helpful information? A respectful community redistributes care instead of concentrating it on the same few people until they collapse.

Cultural humility is essential in boundary conversations. Many of us carry inherited narratives that equate self-sacrifice with goodness, endurance with love, and silence with strength. Challenging these narratives can feel like betraying our roots. But it may be more accurate to say we are evolving them. Our ancestors built systems of care to survive scarcity and oppression; we are now tasked with sustaining those systems in ways that do not reproduce harm internally. Boundaries, communicated with care, are part of that evolution.

It is worth noting that boundaries will not always be received well. That does not automatically mean they are wrong. Discomfort is often part of change, especially in communities used to unspoken expectations. Still, communication helps us stay grounded. When we explain why a boundary exists and how it supports connection, we reduce the likelihood that it will be seen as a withdrawal. We remind each other that limits are not the opposite of love; often, they are proof of it. Boundaries ask: How do we care for one another over the long haul? How do we ensure that generosity does not become exploitation, or that the community does not become dependent on silence? The answer is clearer, more honest connections. When paired with communication, boundaries truly create spaces where care is truly shared, and belonging is possible without self-erasure.

Mairo Ahmadu (she/her)

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